Today Bosley (aka Ed) and I attended a tennis lesson. Surrounded by tennis geeks and beginners, we joined a group. "Line up," cried an instructor. "what is this?" I yelled. "It's okay, you're just not adaptable," Bosley said. Bosley and I missed many balls, but eventually made it to the other side of the net. (An accomplishment, trust me.) It was a game of King of the Court. Soon after, we failed and retreated to the end of the line. After a long agonizing wait, we were on deck, but boy in red and boy in green in front of us refused to move. We cut were ahead and were scolded by "Man in Black" aka Idiot"Girls, back in line!" Can we say "faux-pas"? But the boys inevitably lost and a mere "shot" later we were up in our rightful place. The class ended and we rented a court. Or we attempted to. We put our names on the wait list and had our shoes inspected. We waited and waited as the courts opened up. Bosley asked her parental unit if we could just take an empty court. She said we had to ask Scruffy, oh, I mean the court keeper for permission. He said no and that Bosley had to put her name on the list. She told him it was. He looked down at the list and said that, no, it wasn't. Then he paused. "Oh, you mean the waiting list?"Bosley sighed as he picked it up. She was 10th on the list. We sat back down as more and more courts opened up.Bosley went up with her mom while I hid watching. He said no again because we were 10th on the list. Finally our names were called and just to hold us up even longer, he checked our shoes again. This is not nearly the end of our troubles. We meandered to the courts looking good, feelin' good BUT we were situated next to who we refer to as Liver Spot Joe and his wife Carol, the rudest people who had the displeasure of meeting that day. Bosley and I simply abhor them. It all started when their ball was "ON THE FENCE!" Does this mean anything, reader? I think not! But it was uttered. I didn't know what to do so I ignored the ignoramus until he started referring to me as Missy and bellowed, "YOU MUST BE DREAMING!" At this I was shocked! A Normie was belittling me! Later I found out that he was commanding me to fetch his tennis ball! Bosley was equally as shocked. The inhumanity! Before I looked back to kick him, he had already gone back to playing while showing off his latest hip replacement. I went back to playing with Bosley. I was still shaken so we switched places so I could avoid the ignoramus. Not long after, Bosley was attacked. The ball had come into our court towards Bosley. She didn't notice it so she ignored it. Liver Spot Joe struck again! When Bosley didn't fetch his ball he quickly snapped, "It is customary on the tennis courts to retrieve other people's tennis balls when they come into your court. Bosley hit the ball into his court being the person she is. She summoned me to the net and said, "This guy needs to learn the difference between customary and mandatory." When a ball came near Bosley and ours went into the other court, she assumed giving the closer one to the other people was polite. "That's not ours, it's yours! Could you please give us back our ball!" Liver Spot Joe's tennis balls came into our court while ours went into his. The ignoramus refused to move his Liver Spots to get the ball, but made me get both his and mine. To our relief the time slot ended and he retreated to the nursing home he came from. I guess some people can play tennis and can't get their own balls.
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